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by NastyaY



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Episode Related, Episode Tag, F/M, Season 4 Episode 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 14:48:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11292885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NastyaY/pseuds/NastyaY
Summary: What if Coulson disobeyed the Director's order and went with Simmons to save May from the probable death?





	Home

 

-It’s the call you’d make if you were in my shoes.

Hell yeah, it is, if only it was someone else, not _May_. Not when she is in critical condition. Not when she might _die_ in the next 24 hours. Not when he might never see her again, or say _goodbye_ , or… He has to go there now or he’ll never forgive himself. Ok, calm down Phil, he thought, it’s _May_ , she is strong and tough and fierce, she’ll fight it. She _won’t die_ , she _can’t._ He won’t _bear_ it. He couldn’t even fathom the fact that the world could still exist without _Melinda May_ in it. He doesn’t want to live in a world like this, wouldn’t stand it. What if she actually dies? With all her skills, and strength, and will power, and stubbornness, and all the impossible things she pulls off every day he sometimes forgets that she is _mortal_ like all of them. She is only human, and there is an awful tendency of people close to him dying. And the possibility of May passing away is quite real. And what is he supposed to do, just go on another mission, pretend that May is alive and well? Hell no. Screw all this bureaucracy, orders, and missions, to hell with Director and his _You can’t be objective when it comes to May_. Of course, he can’t, he _l_ _oves_ her, damn it. And they took her away from him, without giving him a clue where she is, leaving him hopeless and desperate. At least they told him where she is now. Well, that was a mistake on their part, a mistake that he’ll make use of. He doesn’t care what they’ll do to him afterward. Lower his clearance, make him level one agent, even remove from field duty. It doesn’t matter. All that is important now is that May lives. And he will be with her to make sure of it. Hang on, _Melinda_ , I’m coming to you.

***

It was not so difficult to find an agent capable of flying a quinjet and convince him that there was a confidential mission he was sent to accomplish. However, it did take some time and they reached May’s location several hours later. Coulson burst into the building, looking for any sign of May, or Radcliffe or Simmons.

-Coulson! What are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be in Miami now?

-It doesn’t matter. How is she?- Coulson didn’t see anyone except Melinda now. He came to her and took her hand in his. Her breathing was erratic and she was gasping for air. She looked like she was in a constant nightmare. Her eyes fluttered and she was wriggling.

-I’m afraid her condition is still critical. Unless we listen to Dr. Radcliffe’s idea May is gonna die.

-What idea?

-We have to kill her.

-What? You sick son of a…. –He didn’t even notice how he grabbed Radcliffe and started suffocating him.

-Coulson, stop! Listen to him!- He reluctantly let him go. Radcliffe coughed and cleared his throat, stepping a bit farther from Coulson.

-Her brain is like a computer full of viruses. If we shut down this computer, that is kill her, it’s gonna reboot and return back to normal. We’ll have about seven minutes to bring her back.

-This is insane! The risk is too high. What if you can’t revive her? What if you actually kill her?

-I’m afraid we don’t have a choice. Either we do it or she will die in the next ten minutes. It’s your call, of course, but I don’t wanna be responsible for a death which I could have prevented. – Coulson turned his eyes to Simmons.

-Is it true, Jemma? Is there no other way? –Simmons looked heartbroken and scared.

-Unfortunately, he is right. Are we doing it, sir?

Coulson looked at May again. He can’t let her die, even if he has to kill her first. God, please let this plan work. Let her come back to me.

-Yes. Let’s do it.

***

Everything happened like in a dream or, rather, in a nightmare. The whole world was a blur, except for May, whom he saw perfectly clear. Simmons and Radcliffe discussing the plan, Simmons injecting May with a drug that was about to kill her (he only closed his eyes at this moment, as he didn’t want to see her fading, if something went wrong he wanted to remember her alive). A timer on the screen counting seconds that Melinda stayed _dead_ , him praying inside and probably out loud, begging God, heaven, whoever there was to let her live, to come back to him, promising himself that he ‘ll change everything if- _when_ she wakes up. Simmons preparing defibrillator, all hell breaking loose when the lights went out, him thinking for a whole lot of time that he lost her, all the colors fading and silence deafening him, Simmons crying and trying to revive May and Radcliffe saving Melinda with a battery. It all stopped for a moment when he heard her inhale sharply. She is _alive_.  They saved her. He locked his gaze with hers and didn’t want to let her of his sight for a moment anymore. And then he did what felt _right-_ he just ran up to her, pressed her to himself and kissed her, savoring this moment, which, he was sure, would be the only one, expressing all the feelings he had- fear of losing her, concern for her life, happiness that she was alive, relief that he could hold her again, pure joy of kissing her and all the unrequired love he had. While they were kissing he heard the quiet steps of Radcliffe and Simmons leaving the room and giving them a moment alone. They were still kissing and some part of him wondered why May didn’t push him away and slap him and ask what the hell he was doing but he decided to think about it later and carpe diem.

Finally, they parted feeling the lack of air and Phil realized that it was time to talk and explain his actions. Of course, he could say that it was the emotional rollercoaster that made him kiss her and they would forget about it but he promised himself that he would change everything if she survived and she _did_. Oh, boy, he thought, here we go.

-May, I’m so glad you’re alive!

-I pretty much felt it, loud and clear. –Hang on, is she _blushing_? No, it can’t be, must be the light.

-I guess I owe you an explanation. –He exhaled nervously and blurted it all out. –I understand that you must be confused by the kiss or maybe you think that it is pure emotional reaction or an accident or whatever. Well, it is not. - May’s expression changed briefly but in a second it was neutral again.

-This whole situation made me realize that I was wasting my time, beating around the bush, keeping it all to myself. Today for the first time I understood that you or I might actually die some day, that we are not invincible and life is not everlasting. And the mere thought of you passing away, not knowing the truth made me shiver and horrified me.- As he was rambling all this, confusion was getting more and more evident on May’s face and she felt nervous. What was he getting at?

-I guess what I’m trying to say is that you might have died today, not even knowing about my feelings. –May’s eyes widened but she was too bewildered to draw any conclusions.- And I promised myself that if you survive this I’ll tell you the truth. And the truth is that _I love you_. I have for most of my life, actually. I know that this is huge and that you don’t have the same feelings for me but it’s okay. We are still best friends and partners and it will all be the same. I hope that you still want me to be your friend and partner.- He looked embarrassed, almost pleading, searching her face for some sign that she, in fact, did, that he didn’t screw their relationship with his confession. She still remained silent, not uttering a single word.– _Melinda_ , say something, please, you’re killing me with silence, he begged.

May couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Phil Coulson _loves_ her. The one person who meant the world to her, whom her heart desires the most but thought never possible, loved her _back_. And she stood there like a fish out of water, killing him with the lack of response. God, he must be thinking that he messed this up, that she doesn’t want him. She has to prove him wrong and fast.

- _Phil_. –He always loved how his name sounded coming from her but now he was amazed at the tenderness and genuine care it was filled with. She moved closer to him and put her right hand on his chest and the left one on his neck. Phil was desperately trying not to get his hopes up, maybe she just wanted to console him .- When I was dying I saw _you_. You were my anchor, my reason to get back, the power bringing me back to this world. You are my _home._ And I came back to _you_ because _I love you too_.- And without further ado, she just leaned in and kissed him.

They might die tomorrow or in a month, they’ve spent most of their lives hiding their feelings for each other, they’ve lost a lot of precious time but at least they have _this now_. They are here and they are safe for now, in each other’s arms, venturing onto a new level of relationship, finally allowing themselves to feel needed, wanted, loved, to feel the belonging, happiness. At last, they are _home_.


End file.
